My Girlfriend Wants a Real Diamond Ring. Can It Be Lab-Grown Instead? (2024)

My girlfriend and I have been dating for over two years, and I’m seriously considering proposing to her. In researching different types of engagement rings, I’ve begun to see, no pun intended, clear-cut differences between lab-grown and natural diamonds. While natural diamonds fall under a classic aesthetic, lab-grown diamonds are better for the environment and a better value (I could afford a larger carat) and don’t perpetuate the cruel abuses that take place during their mining.

For these reasons, I’m leaning heavily toward a lab-grown diamond. But I know that my girlfriend is only interested in a large natural diamond and would be extremely angry if given a lab diamond. I’ve considered telling her it’s a natural diamond, as the only way of being exposed is by a jeweler with an expensive loupe — or when she gets the ring appraised for insurance, which is, admittedly, a large risk. What should I do? — Name Withheld

From the Ethicist:

First, let’s acknowledge that there is disagreement about the environmental virtues of lab-grown diamonds; they’re often made in China, using electricity that comes mainly from coal. And you can source natural diamonds from places that regulate working conditions. Even if your assumptions were correct, though, the worldly consequences of your individual purchase, by itself, would not be significant. What is significant is your willingness to consecrate your union with a lie.

The giver of a ring should be concerned, foremost, with what the ring means to the recipient. You’re free to tell your girlfriend that you’re unwilling to buy a natural diamond. But the deception you’re contemplating would be deeply disrespectful of her and her desires — and a wildly inauspicious step toward marriage. That ring is a promise, and you would be establishing that you can’t be trusted to keep one.

A Bonus Question

For 40 years I’ve worked as a purser for one of the world’s largest airlines. Nothing in my career has troubled me as much as the recent requirement to push the company credit card on passengers. On every flight, we are made to read frequent announcements and walk through the cabin shilling the applications. I feel that Americans are already up to their eyeballs in debt and pushing more debt onto them is usurious and unethical. Don’t many of the world’s religions forbid acting in a way to enslave your fellow man with debt? I’ve stopped making the tedious announcements but imagine the day will come when I’m called in by management to explain my failure to provide this ‘‘service.’’ Any thoughts? — Name Withheld

From the Ethicist:

Certain religious traditions do object to lending at interest, which was the original meaning of usury. Shariah-compliant banks, which don’t charge interest, can instead charge fees, take an ownership stake in a property, enter into leasing arrangements with loan recipients and so on. But most people, it seems, aren’t bothered by credit as such; they know that money lending is a business, which depends on charging more than the amount necessary to cover inflation, operating costs and credit risk (which is especially high with unsecured loans). What bothers them are lenders who exploit the needy and unwary through excessive charges.